how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
