i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
