i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
