Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A bitchslap is in order.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
