if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
