last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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