What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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