I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
