My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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