apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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