and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
