i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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