u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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