she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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