end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
