It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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