All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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