Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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