Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
