Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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