ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
