Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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