i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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