i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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