We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
