I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
