if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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