Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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