Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
