Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
