This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
