Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
