Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
