I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
