zippers are such a cool invention
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
