I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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