what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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