I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
