Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
