I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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