is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
