I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
