i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
