Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
