Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
