hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
