I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
