I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
