I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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