I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
