Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
