Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
