apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
