Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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