I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
