Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
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For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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