This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
