Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
