A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish i was in the wii world.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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