Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
