Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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