Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
