You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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