OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
