I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
