we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is Oprah even human
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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