I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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