Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will be naked everywhere
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame