He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I pour the whiskey from now on
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.