Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.

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  (970): If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car. http://tfl.nu/glcf
  Replies (6) Good night (846) Bad night (3168)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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  (503): this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor" (541): dude. (503): yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating. http://tfl.nu/t5uc
  Replies (21) Good night (809) Bad night (3831)
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  (415): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there

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  (415): I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there http://tfl.nu/3k7t
  Replies (76) Good night (9903) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

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  (917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b
  Replies (44) Good night (1783) Bad night (6825)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?

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  (306): Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better? http://tfl.nu/6en9
  Replies (3) Good night (3067) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.

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  (317): I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend. http://tfl.nu/dbby
  Replies (6) Good night (3120) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.

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  (763): Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always. http://tfl.nu/ugs1
  Replies (11) Good night (2186) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.

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  (917): I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating. http://tfl.nu/k0kr
  Replies (14) Good night (2215) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.

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  (216): Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds. http://tfl.nu/t6po
  Replies (3) Good night (1790) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like my freshman wet dream come true

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  (412): it's like my freshman wet dream come true http://tfl.nu/8b08
  Replies (3) Good night (956) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.

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  (813): Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over. http://tfl.nu/p98p
  Replies (4) Good night (961) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death

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  (919): All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death http://tfl.nu/2w0w
  Replies (4) Good night (313) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.

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  (310): I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life. http://tfl.nu/0deg
  Replies (6) Good night (1157) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  Next. Level. Shit.

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  (910): I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower. (1-910): Next. Level. Shit. http://tfl.nu/dulw
  Replies (5) Good night (1139) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.

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  (407): Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone. http://tfl.nu/oywy
  Replies (4) Good night (274) Bad night (638)

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