I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker