I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"