I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.