just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
