Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
