What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
