To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
