I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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