I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
