her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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