Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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