why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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