Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize