His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
